Thursday, June 4, 2009

Do You Spook Easily?

Late last night in OKC Sonic Drive-ins had a free give-away for a couple of hours. So Big Sugar and I decided to jump in my Smartie and I drove 1.2 miles to the nearest Sonic because we wanted one of Summertime's greatest indulgences- the Root Beer Float! Now- what do you typically do with a root beer float? EAT IT, RIGHT? Yeah, well, I ended up WEARING mine. Uh-huh, you heard me. NOT my idea by the way.

I'd just phoned my son to tell him about the tasty freebie (of which he and Christy had already had two) and I put my iPhone down in my lap to take a scrumptuous bite. (a bit of foreshadowing here, you think?).....We were sitting there enjoying our floats and talking about the day. Unbeknownst to me , a Sonic employee had walked up to my window while my head was turned and I was talking to Big Sugar. As I was conversing wittily as I often do *batting eyelashes coyly* I glanced to my left and my brain registered that someone was hulking over me at the window.

In the space of a nanosecond there was some serious multi-tasking going on in that tiny little car. I jumped straight up, cleared leather- I'm talking daylight between me and the seat and floorboard, prayed fervently to the Lord God Almighty's Son above, just a one-word prayer, mind you, at about 120 decibels, while simultaneously tossing the entire contents of my root beer float up into the 72-degree air -and the cup itself stayed glued to my hand. The "floatness" did a half-gainer out of the cup, had 3 inches to spare on its upward arc before missing the convertible cloth headliner entirely, and proceeded to plummet back to earth and land on my In my younger days, the ice cream would've stayed there long enough for me to retrieve it.....these days? No. way. in. Helsinki. Ah, but I digress. Refreshing on a hot June evening? NO. Not even a wee bit. Every bit o'that that root beer gravy ran down all over me and into my lap........and just soaked in to my black yoga britches. Got all over my leather seat too.

Ok, remember, nanosecond, right? I completely froze ( no pun intended) right after my "little prayer", arms held aloft, jaw dropped in utter surprise, eyes blinking incredulously, adrenaline-infused heart pumping, and there was complete silence in the car, except for Big Sugar trying ever so unsuccessfully to hold in his laughter. He was just sitting there shaking and sorta wheezing, while trying not to choke on his big bite of free RBF.

And then Big Sugar said quite matter-of-factishly,

"I think I'm going to tell Jesus that you cussed. And you used HIS name to do it......"
*Me still frozen in place, turn my head only to look at him*
"I DIDN"T cuss, I was PRAYING!!!! ...... Can't you tell THE DIFFERENCE?!?!?!"
"Yes, yes you did. Pretty sure that sounded like cussing to me.....yep, that was cussing all right."
*Me now smiling, still wide-eyed*
"Well Honey, when I am scared shatless, I don't really have the time or the wherewithall to offer up a 'Dear Lord Jesus, help me in the midst of my storm of fear and doubt and lift me from the miry clay', when I feel that a really good resounding 'Juh-EEEE-zzzus!!!!!' will do in a glorified pinch and He knows my meaning anyhay."
*Big Sugar mumbling and laughing under his breath* "Cussing is cussing. I'm just sayin'."

So, the Sonic girl is STILL at my window wearing a big ol' smile and her cute lil' hat, and I roll the window down as the ice cream is melting in my lap. She smiles and says,

"Oopsie! Sorrrrrrrrr-ry. Wanna extra coupon???" *Smile, blink, blink*

"Nope. Perhaps a few extra napkins, though? That would be great." *Smile back, blink, blink*

It is possible to say an entire sentence gritting your teeth and smiling at the same time, and the other person be totally oblivious. Wasn't her fault, really. And I told her so. I just spook really easily. I have ever since I as 14 when a no-good someone, who knew better, sneaked up on me for a no-good reason. The result-a little therapy, lot of prayers, and in a pinch, some of them end up being just one word long. God is good.

Had to drive home holding the seatbelt away from me because of the root beer amoeba on the front of my person was one big sticky, stanky mess. Hey, remember my iPhone in my lap at the time of Sonic caustic spill? It escaped without even sustaining a single drop of damage. Now how about that?! Can't say the same for my shirt........




    I mean...

    Sorry 'bout yer shirt.

  2. Oh man, my mom is the same way. You can walk up behind her, snapping your fingers, dragging chains behind you like Jacob Marley, and singing a folk song, and you will STILL get yelled at for "sneaking up" after she recovers from the shock.

  3. Heath: No you're not.

    Shawnster: I love your mom already.

  4. Oh man...did you at least get another rb float?