Monday, July 27, 2009
Monday, July 13, 2009
Thursday, July 9, 2009
A thousand pardons!!!! I am so sorry.................................
Ok, so I just was talkin' to Heather Cherry as we often do throughout the workday here in OKC. And I was remarking on her last post today. As we were talking, I was writing a comment on her blog and our conversation went something like this....
Me: I am SO glad you don't have one of those STOOOOOPID word verification thingies on your blog. Lord, those irritate me!
Heather: *** *** **** MOM!!! Ya big doof!
Heather: Are ya kiddin' me?!
HEATHER: YOU've got one on YOURS!
Me: *** *** *** wha-??? **** are you KIDDING ME????
Heather: Yeah, ahahaha, that's what was so funny about your open letter the other da-
Me: no, no, NOOOOOO! I didn't know! I HATE THOSE THINGS!!! I don't want all both people who read my blog to be subjected to that!!!!!!!!!!!!! Oh the inhumanity!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Alas and alack!
Heather: Mom. Calm down. No biggie. Just go to your Settings and take it off.
So dear sweet precious readers, those of you who are followers and you drive-bys too (FYI-it doesn't hurt to be a folllower, I promise!) ignorance is no excuse for the law. Guilty as charged! I had no idea about the dreaded "word verificay", because it did not ever come up on my screen, but now, thanks to my savvy daughter, it will no longer come up on yours! I feel like I just walked out of the LADIES room with my skirt tucked in my panty hose, AND tissue stuck to the bottom of my shoe, and nobody even told me about the spinach in my teeth. I guess y'all didn't want to embarrass me, huh? Well now, I 'ppreciate it! So IF you care to comment today, no more annoying obstacles to get in your way!
Looks like it was me who had the idgit gene today. Now how 'bout that?!
Wednesday, July 8, 2009
So....exercise..... I decided it might be good for me and Big Sugar to burn a few calories if we were to do the 10-mile bike ride around the beautiful lake 3 blocks from our home in Oklahoma City. Nice sunny day, a bit breezy (in Oklahoma that is code for winds of about 20-25 mph) and off we go, Steve in his cool ball cap and me in my silly-looking-but-gotta-wear-it bike helmet, being a nurse with ortho/neuro background and all. It was going to be great, right?
Hadn't ridden in a while, in few da-, wee-, mo-, okay- in about a year really. After calling Terminex to rid my bike of all the cobwebs, we headed out for a bit of "ex-ree-size". I don't know what it is about Lake Hefner in OKC, but there is a perpetual vortex, perhaps a worm hole in the space time continuum?, that causes you to ride face first into the eternal wind, no matter which direction you go around the lake. What is UP with that?! You don't need a bike stand here in Oklahoma, just lean your bike against the wind- it WILL stay up. (Motorcycles too on a good day...) I felt like I was in a wind tunnel, for cryin' out loud! My hammies and quads were cussin' me out! I was huffin' and puffin'! I haven't felt the burn like that since I had natural childbirth 28 years ago!! What?! First gear, first sprocket?! Now that is just SAD!!!!!!
And the burn wasn't just in my gams either......gel seat....GEL SEAT???!!! gel seat, my hind-end!!!!! Now I do not hail from the state of Big Assachusetts, never have had that problem, thank the good Lord above. But still, I was told to get a comfy gel seat- Hear me now, people. DOES. NOT. WORK. MM-KAY? I'm just saying. I now KNOW the definition of nuuuuuuuuumb. Yes. Yes I do.
You know you really ought to give up biking when you are passed by speedy Granny Myrtle Beth from down the street.........who happens to be walking on the bike path with the help of her 4-prong cane and her sweet, hobbling, three-legged, canine companion, Chester, who is older than your varicose leg veins, that are now more prominent than ever, thanks to the over-exertion of trying to hold your sweet little aspirations up off that stupid, non-functioning rip-off of a gel seat because your tired, albeit rather tiny, behind is on "FIE-YUR!!!" and needs a break from the bicycle of terror....
Who's bright idea was that? Oh yeah, it was mine.....but you know what? We're still riding and it had gotten easier and we are getting faster- so watch out for the jet stream in our wake Granny M-B! Here we come!!! Now how 'bout that?!
Wednesday, July 1, 2009
Wy doo yew lerk beeloh wen wee syn awff, staen tu thu vuree lasd menet, lyk thu lefd ovir dizguzteeng bakkwarsh inna 2-yeer ols sippeee kupp?
Uhbowt thu tym wee theenk wee arr dun maykn owr phunnee komints wee ind upp tripppen ovr yew. Soh itz tym yew herrd frum uhs. Juz reed ahn, yew liddl bockz uv nooisunz.
Awww, wut's thu maddur? Caynt reed thiz leddir??? Let's try it my way.
Perhaps a different font would make it a little more interesting, hmmm?!
Let's try a little Webdings...can ya read this????
Let's try a little Webdings...can ya read this????
No??? UH-oh! TOO bad, do over!!!! Do it over I said! Well, too bad. Go away and stop annoying all of us. You are not needed here.
Really perturbed (that's p-e-r-t-u-r-b-e-d),
PS- "Word Verification" indeed....how about ACTUAL words...it's not like you would ever run out....or how about spellcheck, you oxymoron!
Tuesday, June 16, 2009
So. I'm guessing you won't ever eat peanuts again...am I right?
No pity for you,
PS- Too bad about your boots....and your shirt.....your jacket.......jeans....the guy in front of you...you idgit.
Tuesday, June 9, 2009
Anyho, just wondering what tips y'all have about Chicago.... Who grills the best steaks? Who has the best deep-dish pizza pie? Where can we find the freshest mouth-watering seafood? How about the local color mom-and-pop Italian establishment that makes fresh pasta and a sauce so good you'll slap yourself? Well, where IS it??? What SHOULDN'T we miss in this great metropolis??? Places to go, food to eat, things to buy???? Come on, peeps, CHIME IN HERE.
Don't leave me hanging. We leave on Thursday!!! This is not the time for a "drive-by blead!" (That would be a quick blog read and then you are outta here. Don't be a bleader!)DISCLAIMER: We don't imbibe, so any suggestions regarding bars, pubs, dives, watering holes, pools halls, stripjoints, and/or casinos will unfortunatley go unheeded. We are going to Soldier Field for a concert and maybe to a MLB game. We are staying right downtown on the magnificent mile and are so excited about this trip. Got any pointers for us? Well, whadaya know? I don't typically ASK for advice. I'm usually the one GIVING it! Now how 'bout that?!
Thursday, June 4, 2009
I'd just phoned my son to tell him about the tasty freebie (of which he and Christy had already had two) and I put my iPhone down in my lap to take a scrumptuous bite. (a bit of foreshadowing here, you think?).....We were sitting there enjoying our floats and talking about the day. Unbeknownst to me , a Sonic employee had walked up to my window while my head was turned and I was talking to Big Sugar. As I was conversing wittily as I often do *batting eyelashes coyly* I glanced to my left and my brain registered that someone was hulking over me at the window.
In the space of a nanosecond there was some serious multi-tasking going on in that tiny little car. I jumped straight up, cleared leather- I'm talking daylight between me and the seat and floorboard, prayed fervently to the Lord God Almighty's Son above, just a one-word prayer, mind you, at about 120 decibels, while simultaneously tossing the entire contents of my root beer float up into the 72-degree air -and the cup itself stayed glued to my hand. The "floatness" did a half-gainer out of the cup, had 3 inches to spare on its upward arc before missing the convertible cloth headliner entirely, and proceeded to plummet back to earth and land on my left....um...shelf. In my younger days, the ice cream would've stayed there long enough for me to retrieve it.....these days? No. way. in. Helsinki. Ah, but I digress. Refreshing on a hot June evening? NO. Not even a wee bit. Every bit o'that that root beer gravy ran down all over me and into my lap........and just soaked in to my black yoga britches. Got all over my leather seat too.
Ok, remember, nanosecond, right? I completely froze ( no pun intended) right after my "little prayer", arms held aloft, jaw dropped in utter surprise, eyes blinking incredulously, adrenaline-infused heart pumping, and there was complete silence in the car, except for Big Sugar trying ever so unsuccessfully to hold in his laughter. He was just sitting there shaking and sorta wheezing, while trying not to choke on his big bite of free RBF.
And then Big Sugar said quite matter-of-factishly,
"I think I'm going to tell Jesus that you cussed. And you used HIS name to do it......"
*Me still frozen in place, turn my head only to look at him*
"I DIDN"T cuss, I was PRAYING!!!! ...... Can't you tell THE DIFFERENCE?!?!?!"
"Yes, yes you did. Pretty sure that sounded like cussing to me.....yep, that was cussing all right."
*Me now smiling, still wide-eyed*
"Well Honey, when I am scared shatless, I don't really have the time or the wherewithall to offer up a 'Dear Lord Jesus, help me in the midst of my storm of fear and doubt and lift me from the miry clay', when I feel that a really good resounding 'Juh-EEEE-zzzus!!!!!' will do in a glorified pinch and He knows my meaning anyhay."
*Big Sugar mumbling and laughing under his breath* "Cussing is cussing. I'm just sayin'."
So, the Sonic girl is STILL at my window wearing a big ol' smile and her cute lil' hat, and I roll the window down as the ice cream is melting in my lap. She smiles and says,
"Oopsie! Sorrrrrrrrr-ry. Wanna extra coupon???" *Smile, blink, blink*
"Nope. Perhaps a few extra napkins, though? That would be great." *Smile back, blink, blink*
It is possible to say an entire sentence gritting your teeth and smiling at the same time, and the other person be totally oblivious. Wasn't her fault, really. And I told her so. I just spook really easily. I have ever since I as 14 when a no-good someone, who knew better, sneaked up on me for a no-good reason. The result-a little therapy, lot of prayers, and in a pinch, some of them end up being just one word long. God is good.
Had to drive home holding the seatbelt away from me because of the root beer amoeba on the front of my person was one big sticky, stanky mess. Hey, remember my iPhone in my lap at the time of Sonic caustic spill? It escaped without even sustaining a single drop of damage. Now how about that?! Can't say the same for my shirt........
Monday, June 1, 2009
Wednesday, May 27, 2009
I have had cars in a number of different categories. I've been drawn to to "the hot rod "(had a red Chevy SSR- it was a rocket!), "the slow" (had a creamy yellow 1984 Mercedez 240 D, like a little stick o' butter on wheels- had to plan a week ahead of time just to pull out into traffic), "the novelty" (had the new neon green VW Beetle with turbo when they first came out- at 125 mph it would flat out hug the road) and now....well now, I 'm into "the unique". I drive a little 2-seater called a Smart Car (silver). So does Heather(red), but her pit bull, Snuggles, is a bit too big for it, so hers is up for sale. We were at the tag office last week and our cars were hanging out side by side , so I took advantage of the photo op.......
Case in Point #1:
This goat-ropin' redneck walks up to me at the GAS station WHILE I WAS GETTING GAS-
Doofus: "What kinda mileage you git witha that leetle car?"
Me: "About 40".
Doofus: "Is that an all ELECTRIC car?"
Me: ......(putting away fuel nozzle, getting fuel receipt)..............."No."
Doofus: "Huh. What kind is it?"
Me: "A Smart Car."
Doofus: "SMART car?! What's so d--- smart about it?"
Me: (getting in the car to drive away) "I have one. You don't."
Woulda been nice to burn rubber as I left him in my dust, however my Smartie does not have that capability. I REALLY do miss that in SSR in times like that...
Case in Point #2:
Got in the world's s-l-o-w-e-s-t elevator at work after going to the little canteen downstairs for bottled water. As I was going up to my office to work on those never-ending worker's compensation files, the elevator stopped on the main foloor and picked up two ladies who just came in from the parking lot.
Now lemme tell ya, everyone is entitled to their opinion. I'm fine with that, 'cause Lord knows I have an opinion about everyting. EVERY. THING. I don't always SHARE it, but I still got it. So I act like I am not even listening, 'cause they weren't involving me in the conversation. All the way up to my floor I kept looking straight ahead as Magpie Mabel runs off at the mouth about "that crazy lookin' little car out there." *Shared laughter between them* ..."how ridiculous it looks."....*chuckle- chuckle*..."it looks like one of those tiny little clown cars in the Shiner's parade." ....*titter- titter* "how anyone with half a brain could even think about lowering themselves to buy something so unbelievable." The elevator door is about to open on my floor, and she finally looks over at me and I know she is ready to engage me in their not-so-private convo. So I look her right in the eye and start smiling with that oh- yeah-I-know-exactly-what-you-are-talking-about look, nodding my head......and she elbows me gently says, "I know you 've seen THAT car down there, EVERYone has seen it. I just call it STUPID. What would YOU call it?!" The elevator door opens on my floor, I gave her "the look"(subject for another post, another day) as the smile dissolved off my face, and I leaned toward her for just a bit of emphasis, and said softly in a nice, polite Southern fashion, "Why....I call it mine, ya'll." I left her stammering and squawking like a scalded chicken as he elevator doors closed and I giggleded all the way to my office. There's just no accounting for some folks.
OK, so you've seen women trying to fit into the low-slung jeans and there's "muffin-topness" and ugly spillage happening all over the place. It's like trying to put 50-lb mud in a 5-lb sack, right?! It pays to know your limitations. Some things just can't fit on small spaces, and get your minds out of the gutter right now- 'cause Im not goin' there. Well, sometimes the impossible can be done. Here is where I AM goin' with this...Look below....
We have a 2-car garage. I drive the Smartie, my hubby (aka Big Sugar) drives a Honda Civic, but he also has a beautiful 2008 Silver Corvette........
Sunday, May 24, 2009
Wednesday, May 20, 2009
I don't typically write about "personal" things but today is different. Being 50, every day I am reminded of your "science-changing" discovery. I mean really. Gravity?!? Come. ON!!! Thanks to you, my lovely facial structure is a thing of the past. The rosy cheeks I once had in my youth have migrated to the underside of my jawline. Instead of my Welsh/German/ English heritage being most evident by softly sculptured cheeks and patrician facial features, now I just look like a dang greedy chipmunk storing up food for the winter in its pouchy jowls. My other, er...um... cheeks used to garner compliments that would make me blush, but now they have taken up residence at a much lower altitude these days. Thanks to you, I'll be needing walking shorts pretty soon just to be decent in public. I went jogging yesterday and thought some one was running right on my heels, until I realized the 'whap-pa-ta, whap-whap-pa-ta" sound I was hearing was my below-sea-level mudflaps hitting the backs of my thighs. Way to go, Isaac! And let us not forget the inevitable, a woman's worst enemy, thanks to that big fat Red Delicious taking a bounce off your noggin. The air has certainly gone out of my tires.....and if you don't understand the analogy, well you been in the lab a liiiiitle too long. Let me tell you something, Mister. It's pretty bad when your mammo tech takes one look at your attributes, before placing your precious parts in that glorified drill press, and asks "Um, do you have implants?" A quick opening of the gown illicits a pitiful look from said mammo tech along with a mummur of "Oooooooohhhh, guess not." I reckon a picture's worth a thousand words. You could have come up with a better idea than Gravity. How about a Helium Brassiere? You could have called it the "Up, Up and Away". Or here's a thought- How about a simple jogging bra for the blessed amoung us, huh? WHY is that so hard? You science brainiacs can split the atom, and put people in space, but you can't come up with something that Paula Petralunga can jog in without looking like a freakshow or appear as if she is smuggling two small piglets under her wick-away shirt. (Obviously the heartfelt letter to Under Armour did NOT work.) Why couldn't you have discovered a way to DEFY gravity? There's a money-maker! Then every woman would love you. But instead we all have to find ways to lift, shift, undergird and overlay all sorts of things just to fight that never-ending gravitational pull!! History says that perhaps you died of mercury poisoning due to all of your strange experiments. But I wonder if you might have been strangled by an irate woman with a whale-boned corset or two...
Thanks from the bottom of MY EVERYTHING,
Tuesday, May 19, 2009
Now you have to know that Ken wasn't named Goober after the gumpus on Mayberry who could, at times get into all kinds of idgitness because he didn't exactly wear common sense jeans. Not so with Goo. He is one of the smartest guys I know. And if it is broken, whatever it is, he can fix it. We called 'im Goober one day and it stuck. But we all have an idgit day once in awhile, right? You know, when you do something sorta stupid, without thinking, and then you REEEEEEally wished you hadn't? and you hope to Baby Jesus that nobdy saw you or even hears about it? Well, Goo, here's to you. This is for aaaaaall those times when you ate EVERY SINGLE THING I baked in my Easy Bake Oven before I even got a taste. And you laughed about it. Who's laughing now, huh? Bwahahaha! I've been waiting 41 years. 41 YEARS I TELL YA. AHAHAHAHAHAHA! Now the entire world will know....ok maybe just the 8 or 9 people who read my blog but, HAHAHAHAHAHA I FINALLY got YOU, GOO! Payback's a female dog, now ain't it?!
Some folks have sweaty feet. Guys in particular. My brother is one of 'em. One time he waved a pair of socks in front of me that had been stuffed down in a pair of his shoes somewhere in his closet for a couple of months. Let me tell you, there ain't no kind of funk like that anywhere. The hair in my nose fell out! I have smelled better two-week old roadkill from the back of my Harley than those reekin'dress gold-toes did that day. All of the Code Browns combined that I ever smelled on the floor of the hospital as a nurse pale in comparison to the odiferous fog emiited from my brother's Jethro Bodine- sized stems. My mom was always buying industrial-strength foot powder for Goo and his big ol'stanky funkins. He would pour it in his sneakers every day. I swear if they woulda had odor eaters back then, he woulda taken one step and flat-out disappeared.
One day, when Goo was about 14, the unthinkable happened. He ran out of his foot powder! Oh no! His covy of girlfriends might notice a chink in his armor! BMOC can't have a fume about him.....what to do, what to do?! He checked our bathroom for an extra can, but alas, there was none. He then went to Momma and Daddy's bathroom and looked in the medicine cabinet and, behold! There was a can of powder!!! Hurray- he was saved!!! He filled his shoes full of the newly-discovered powder and went about his way. Later he was telling Mom and Dad at the supper table that he was out of his nuclear fume-killing foot powder, but that he had used some of Daddy's foot powder this morning. Daddy paused and said "I don't have any foot powder."
Goo, said "Yeah, you do- that powder in your medicine cabinet." Mom and Dad exchanged the weirdest look ever in the history of man, and busted out laughing. Mom nearly choked on the meatloaf. Goo just kept getting madder and madder wondering why he was the brunt of an unknown joke. Nene and I just laughed right along with Mom and Dad 'cause we knew this was about him, and NOT us. Daddy jumped up and ran to his bathrom and came back with the powder can in hand and said "Boy, that ain't no foot powder you' been a'wearin'all day!" And then he showed him this and said "Read the label!"
The look on my brother's face can not be fully described. You men reader's out there, please just take a moment...and imagine what went through this macho 14-year old man-boy's mind...tantamount to using your gal's can of FDS and thinking it was your AXE. Ew. His self-confidence and manhood was now lost into the innersoles of his black PF Flyers. Goo couldn't wash his feet FAST enough. I don't know what was worse, Ken threatening all of us not to tell anyone, or Daddy's NON-STOP ribbing about Ken staring to walk like a girl, having a higher pitch to his voice and really getting in touch with his feelings. 'Course I wanted to call him Johnny Quest, after my favorite cartoon, but I didn't dare!
If you don't have a big brother , you are missing out on one of life's greatest blessings. I am pretty sure I have the best one the world has to offer. Yeah, he stole my Easy Bake Oven Culinary Creations, and he would hold me down and tickle me while holding my mouth and nose shut, and so what if he always turned the channel during my favorite TV shows. At some point, I'm not sure when, he went from being an older brother annoyed by a bratty younger sister, to being my bodyguard and best buddy. The day a boy on a youth group trip said a fowl two-word phrase to me, was the same day my big brother shook that boy like a ragdoll and said "Nobody talks to my sister like that", dragged him over to me and made him apologize in front of everyone. The day I got to college was the day he made it known that if ANY guy tried ANYTHING with me, he would clean their clock. Consequently, I met the cream of the crop- Big Sugar, because of a blind date set up by my brother, and well, when you are married to Filet Mignon, everybody else is just pork filler bologna. Can't thank you enough for that Goo.
I hope you have some good memories from childhood. Some real knee-slappers. Nothing like a good guffaw to clear your head. Think on those things today, and while you do that I'm going to re-apply my mascara, because I have laughed it off while writing this post. Ahahahaha, Johnny Quest! Now how'bout that?!
Wednesday, May 13, 2009
Well what a difference 3 hours can make! In the South we have a common saying- it is common to US anyhay. When it's gettin' somewhat stormy outside, we say " Hey y'all, I b'lieve it's comin' up a cloud." In the grand state of Oklahoma, it can definitely come up a cloud right quick. Just now, the TV is on the news. 'Scuze me, time to chase a lil' rabbit for just a sec. Ya'll need to know right now that we have the best weather guys in the nation, bar none. Besides having the National Weather Service right down the road, all theses guys are stud storm chasers. Every one of 'em wears Jack Bauer pajamas, as far as I'm concerned, ya hear me? No fear, know what I'm sayin'? They can tell you street by street the exact path of a storm. They save so many lives every year.