Wednesday, May 27, 2009

Anybody got a Shoe Horn?

I have always been a bit of a car fanatic. My dad was a mechanic by trade, and did great paint and body work as well, so we always had really cool cars as I was growing up. We always had the most amazing conveyances; go- carts, mini-bikes, dune buggies, motorcycles, and the cars....oh man, the cars..... my brother had a '55 White over Red Chevy Belaire, (what a SWEET ride!), also a silver '57 Chevy. My friends say I change cars more than I change socks. That's about right. My insurance guy loves it too.

I have had cars in a number of different categories. I've been drawn to to "the hot rod "(had a red Chevy SSR- it was a rocket!), "the slow" (had a creamy yellow 1984 Mercedez 240 D, like a little stick o' butter on wheels- had to plan a week ahead of time just to pull out into traffic), "the novelty" (had the new neon green VW Beetle with turbo when they first came out- at 125 mph it would flat out hug the road) and now....well now, I 'm into "the unique". I drive a little 2-seater called a Smart Car (silver). So does Heather(red), but her pit bull, Snuggles, is a bit too big for it, so hers is up for sale. We were at the tag office last week and our cars were hanging out side by side , so I took advantage of the photo op.......

They look like they're smilin' atcha. I love it! Never ceases to amaze me the ridiculous things people say when they see a a Smartie.

Case in Point #1:

This goat-ropin' redneck walks up to me at the GAS station WHILE I WAS GETTING GAS-

Doofus: "What kinda mileage you git witha that leetle car?"

Me: "About 40".

Doofus: "Is that an all ELECTRIC car?"
Me: ......(putting away fuel nozzle, getting fuel receipt)..............."No."

Doofus: "Huh. What kind is it?"

Me: "A Smart Car."

Doofus: "SMART car?! What's so d--- smart about it?"

Me: (getting in the car to drive away) "I have one. You don't."

Woulda been nice to burn rubber as I left him in my dust, however my Smartie does not have that capability. I REALLY do miss that in SSR in times like that...

Case in Point #2:

Got in the world's s-l-o-w-e-s-t elevator at work after going to the little canteen downstairs for bottled water. As I was going up to my office to work on those never-ending worker's compensation files, the elevator stopped on the main foloor and picked up two ladies who just came in from the parking lot.

Now lemme tell ya, everyone is entitled to their opinion. I'm fine with that, 'cause Lord knows I have an opinion about everyting. EVERY. THING. I don't always SHARE it, but I still got it. So I act like I am not even listening, 'cause they weren't involving me in the conversation. All the way up to my floor I kept looking straight ahead as Magpie Mabel runs off at the mouth about "that crazy lookin' little car out there." *Shared laughter between them* ..."how ridiculous it looks."....*chuckle- chuckle*..."it looks like one of those tiny little clown cars in the Shiner's parade." ....*titter- titter* "how anyone with half a brain could even think about lowering themselves to buy something so unbelievable." The elevator door is about to open on my floor, and she finally looks over at me and I know she is ready to engage me in their not-so-private convo. So I look her right in the eye and start smiling with that oh- yeah-I-know-exactly-what-you-are-talking-about look, nodding my head......and she elbows me gently says, "I know you 've seen THAT car down there, EVERYone has seen it. I just call it STUPID. What would YOU call it?!" The elevator door opens on my floor, I gave her "the look"(subject for another post, another day) as the smile dissolved off my face, and I leaned toward her for just a bit of emphasis, and said softly in a nice, polite Southern fashion, "Why....I call it mine, ya'll." I left her stammering and squawking like a scalded chicken as he elevator doors closed and I giggleded all the way to my office. There's just no accounting for some folks.

OK, so you've seen women trying to fit into the low-slung jeans and there's "muffin-topness" and ugly spillage happening all over the place. It's like trying to put 50-lb mud in a 5-lb sack, right?! It pays to know your limitations. Some things just can't fit on small spaces, and get your minds out of the gutter right now- 'cause Im not goin' there. Well, sometimes the impossible can be done. Here is where I AM goin' with this...Look below....

We have a 2-car garage. I drive the Smartie, my hubby (aka Big Sugar) drives a Honda Civic, but he also has a beautiful 2008 Silver Corvette........

And we can fit all 3 in the 2-car garage! Comes in right handy when you live in Tornado Alley and the HAIL comes pounding down the plain! We park the Smartie right in behind the 'vette and it is perfect! And we don't even need a shoe horn! Now how 'bout that?!


  1. I used to drive a Dodge Neon. One time I was getting gas and a big dumb redneck (perhaps even the same one) looked at me, looked at the car, looked back at me. He shook his head. "I guess with gas prices the way they are, we'll all be driving little pieces of sh** like that purty soon." I was just like, "Ha! Yeah. I know." because I never say anything cool or witty in those situations.

  2. Shawnster- He was probably driving a a big fat truck, color of rust and primer, with mud tires on it, all manner of beer cans in the back -full AND empty, and a rifle rack in the window, well, I'm cool with the rifle rack,, ok, I had a "redneck" point in there somewhere....

  3. LOL...the guy at the gas pumps...amazing. I love stupid people stories! Love them! I had a vw beetle too when they were "new". I got too many tickets in that thing because yeah, they were fast! I love your comment to the little biddies in the elevator too, priceless.

  4. Sis, heres a few AC Cobra comments for ya. (actual real comments)

    I like your car, I have an International in my front yard.
    What year Corvette is that?
    What year MG is that?
    Is that real?
    My uncle has a real one.
    I've ridden in a real one.
    My friend has an original one.
    My doctor totalled a real one, but it's ok, he has two of them.
    Is that an Aluminum 427, or is it metal? Oh, a 351 what a ripoff.
    Will you let me drive it?
    Take me for a ride.
    Is it fast?
    How fast will it go?
    Whatcha had it up to?
    Where did you get it?
    What did you pay for it?
    What is that?
    I'll trade ya.
    What a cute car.
    Is that a Chevy?
    We have a sportscar too, but thats a special baby.

    Kathy and I call it the "Moron Magnet"